I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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