I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
whose parrot is this?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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