so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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