I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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