my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize