I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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