i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize