In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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