I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize