Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
