omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
