I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
