Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
