Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
