So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
me + whiskey = a bad person
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
