Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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