At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
