If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My penis needs a shock collar
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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