Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
