Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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