It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
