I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
