i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
