Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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