I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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