evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
