Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
