They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize