We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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