wat bout pragnant strippers??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
