remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
