i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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