Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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