I'm so fucking centered right now
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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