Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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