fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
