I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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