guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize