i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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