its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
