i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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