just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
