the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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