who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
