he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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