I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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