i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
