i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
