Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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