grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you would pick up someone in the library
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
