i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
