My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
