before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
