I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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