She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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