They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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