I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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