Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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