O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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