I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
