i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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