Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
