U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
