3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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