Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
