My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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