guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
