O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
