sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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