Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
