I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
