my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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