I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry about my life...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
