I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
