Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
