I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
