Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
