I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
