I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
