i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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