I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
